What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?

It's raining right now. I love the rain. Apparently it rained a lot earlier, but I was sleeping. I came home, and I was so exhausted, but I read a little more of the Bell Jar. But then I got really depressed cause the main girl in it tried to kill herself like four times (well, three times, and she talked about a different way with some guy) and it was really sad so I went to bed. I fell asleep at about four thirty and woke up at eight thirty. Whoops. And I'm still pretty tired, so I think I'll turn in after this blog.

You know what's the most comfortable thing in the world? Waking up next to someone. Like when there's a big storm and you wake up feeling all alone and small, and so you crawl into your sister's bed, and fall asleep next to her. And then you wake up and it's so comforting because you know that she was there all night, and then when she wakes up you face each other and smile and share a silent secret. And you know that everything is ok. It's a really wonderful feeling.

I also love waking up and knowing that you don't have to be anywhere, and that you can stay in bed as long as you want. When your alarm never goes off, and you can just lie in bed thinking about things, without the worry of school or church or your parents coming in and yelling at you, mainly because they didn't know you were even home. (True story, from this afternoon. My parents thought that I was out with my grandparents). And you can have the most profound thoughts in those precious moments. I think that they are so special because they don't happen very often. Not just that my life is busy, but the whole American culture is very fast and very you-always-should-be-doing-something. I don't want to be lazy, but I want life to be relaxed. I don't want to NEED yoga, I want to do yoga because I feel like it. I don't want to have to do relaxation exercises because I am trying to do so many things that I will explode if someone asks me to do one more thing. But I hate being bored. It's a pretty fine line isn't it? I like when you're doing something, and then all of a sudden you stop, and fall asleep, and then when you wake back up you go back to doing whatever like you never took a break. It's these little things that I don't really notice until I am lying awake not worrying about anything that are so special. The tiny things that happen every day but you never really notice them until you really need it.

I don't think I'm making much sense, so excuse me if you don't understand. It's so hard to put feelings into words, especially gratitude. Somehow there never seems to be the right words to express thanks. Oh well, I tried.