Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

I am such a mix of emotions right now. I can't really explain everything I feel. I'm happy, hurt, confused, excited, jealous, disappointed...give me an emotion and I'll probably be feeling it. Except angry. I'm not angry. That's one emotion I don't feel. Lots of things have happened lately, right when my life was becoming uncomplicated again. I can't wait till school gets out, or until I go to Medford. I miss Chelsea so much. But good things have happened too. I had a totally fun time on choir tour, we got third at state, I got my license today, I'm home, and my mom's coming this weekend. But a lot has happened, and now my world is a flurry of emotions that I don't understand. Not to mention I got sick.

I feel so alone. I don't know how to describe it. It's like what I said earlier, about being in the world but not really a part of it. I feel so separate. There's a little clear bubble around me, and I can interact with people, but there's a distance that can't be filled. Part of it is that I finally realized that I could slowly fade away without anyone noticing. I can make myself disappear and no one would think twice. I have friends, and people I care about who I hope care about me, yes, but there's still this separation that nothing can cure. And then something stupid happened, and I feel even more alone. Is it possible for two people, both of whom feel so alone, to come together and no longer feel that way? I'm not sure they can. Loneliness is a hard thing to cure, and I'm not so sure that even two lonely people can be together and no longer be lonely.

Loneliness is a curious thing. People claim that they are lonely, even if they work in a large building that's always filled with people, or they go to school and talk with their classmates all the time. Only a person stranded on a completely bare island (nothing living, not even plants) can say that they are truly lonely. And yet you can be part of a big city with people around you all the time, and still feel such a sense of loss, such a sense of not being. I miss my best friend. But I realized that you can never be truly lonely, because the Lord is always ALWAYS there for you. Even if the human world shuns you, the Savior is there to be your friend, and he will be your friend. Even if you make a mistake, whether it be a trifle or life-changing, Christ will always be there to walk with you. He is truly our Best Friend, and our Brother. I just hope that some lonely people out there understand that. I know how you feel, but the Lord is there to help you. Don't forget who you can turn to.

I love you all, and I hope that some of the things I'm sharing can help others in any small way possible. Life can be confusing, and I still feel like the entire specturm of human emotion (except anger) wrapped up unto one person, but I know who I can turn to. Love to all.