I don't understand myself. I went on a walk with Abish today, and I just wanted to be alone, even though I love the company of others, especially my friends. Speaking of friends, after school, Raage, Steven, and Cooper came and talked with me before going off to their different activites (well, Coop walked home with me). And as we were all standing there I thought, gee, I have such great friends. I failed to notice until just now that most of my good friends are guys. I love it though. Not in that way. I mean guys are so much cooler than girls. Girls are so complicated and there's always one drama or another going on in their lives. But with guys, it's so...simple. Not that they're simple-minded of coure (though there are some), but things just aren't...difficult. If there's a problem, they just fix it. They don't spend half their lives figuring out what the best way to solve the problem is, or trying to figure out if their solution will offend or affect anyone else. They just, do it.
I once heard an analogy about it. It's like a man and a woman are walking to a mountain. The guy knows he has to get to the mountain, and so he just picks the straightest path and starts going to the mountain as fast as he can. But the girl takes a long way, picking her path carefully, constantly stopping to view her surroundings. Not that the guys or girls way is better or worse, it's just that guys are goal-oriented and girls are detail-oriented. And I just thought of something. Heavenly Father (he's just so amazing and smart like that) made them different that way on purpose. See, when the guy and the girl get together, than they have a common goal that they are constantly striving for, and that they work together on, but they will also observe and notice the things around them. The guy and the girl both contribute till they reach their goal. Incredible how it all works out so perfectly.
Gosh, I am so sick of it all. I can't even explain what I mean. I just want to leave, and go somewhere new and exciting, where I have no worries or responsibilities, and I can just sit and relax and watch the people going by. You know that phrase "be in the world, but not of it?" That's what I feel like. Not that I'm more spiritual and that I have overcome all things, but that I feel separated. Like I'm on the outside looking in. Or, in the words of Dr. Ponti from the fabulous novel The Whistling Toilets, life is a parade by I'm just a spectator. Things are happening all around me, and I'm aware of them, and I see them, but I'm just not a part of them. It's like that part in The Best Two Years where everything is moving really fast around him but Elder Rogers is just observing.
It's quite late, and I still have to pack, but that's not going to happen tonight so I think I'll go to bed. I'll pack tomorrow after early morning seminary. I contemplated not going, but I think I might need it. You what I really need? A best friend.
Anyway, love to all. See ya.
1 comment:
You know I agree with what you said about guys and girls. Girls are just stupid. Oh and hon I know what you mean by feeling separated. I went thru it as you well know, but now it is better. If you need to talk you know you can come talk to me right.
Love ya,
Maegan
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