"When you die, do you think you'll smell better because you're a vegetarian, as opposed to being a carnivore?" "You mean if they set me on fire?"

I don't know, I just don't want to do my Calculus, so I think I'll write a little story. And I'll call it "The Pants of Mollie."

"Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named Mollie Pants. Everyone just thought that she was an abnormally pretty girl in high school, but really she was a Princess from the faraway land of Tweed. She had a little brother named Toto Baggypants and a fish named Norman. She had come to high school to see if she could find someone to take back with her and forever play hide-and-seek pillow fight. But everyone loved her so much and she had so many friends that she couldn't choose who to take. So she decided to go to the wise man at the top of There's-a-Wise-Man-At-The-Top-of-This-Hill Mountain and ask for his advice. She began her journey on what looked like a beautiful day but really it was cold and windy. While she was walking toward the mountain she met her friend Jeffrey Jacket, who generously offered the use of his coat, which she gladly accepted. After having lunch at Pizza Hut together, Princess Pants went on her way. As she emerged from downtown, she met Jamie Jeans and little Ethan (the very ugly baby or very cute monkey), with whom she had a dance party before realizing that it was getting late. She said goodbye and went on her way. Pretty soon though, she discovered that it was too late to reach the mountain that day, so she dropped in on her friend Beckah Bucket, who gladly accepted her into her home. They invited their friend Jillian the Fillian, who came over for the slumber party. After eating many Swedish Fish and laughing at Sam on helium, they decided to watch The Emperor's New Groove. Little did they realize, however, that the Swedish Fish that Princess Pants and the Fillian ate were drugged with a sleeping potion by the fiendish Yosef, in a mad attempt to reveal the identity of Cletus and Cap'n Shadysheets aka Horkley. While they were sleeping, Beckah Bucket fought the evil cur and fatally wounded him with a plastic sword. All was well. The next day, Princess Pants bid farewell to her dear friends and continued her journey. Closer to the mountain now, she began to take courage, when her close friend Steven The Resonator waylaid her on her quest. He snatched her away and took her in a little plane (lovingly called 'The Star Prince Charlie') and flew her to the top of Mount There's-a-Wise-Man-At-The-Top-of-This-Hill. Once there, Princess Pants and the Resonator searched beneath the bushes together until they found a small brown rabbit with a black nose, who introduced himself to them as Reepacheep the Wise Man. He didn't say why he was a rabbit. The Princess Pants asked him who she should take with her to forever play hide-and-seek pillow fight in the land of Tweed. Reepacheep told her that whoever made her the happiest was the one who she should be with. Princess Pants thought about it, and realized that everyone that she had met along her journey had made her happy, and that there was no one person she could choose, because if she only took one, then she would sometimes miss the others and she didn't want them to be left out. So she gave Reepacheep a carrot, built a 747 out of cranberries and asphalt, and flew all of her friends to her house in the land of Tweed, for an all-night party with lots of cookies and Canadians. No Swedish Fish. Then she flew all of her friends home, promised to see them the next day, and played a game of hide-and-seek pillow fight with Toto and Norman. THE END

There. That was ridiculously satisfying. And I can't wait for Mollie to read it. I hope she laughs a lot. Anyway, prom was fun. Not amazingly exciting, but fun. I just wasn't really in the mood to go to a dance, I guess. And I've been a little out of sorts lately, though I don't really know why. I miss some of my old friends, I suppose. I never really adjusted to the life here, and I miss them all. I suppose that's also why I didn't enjoy the dance as much. I just wanted all my old friends to be there. And Jeff. Anyway, my story was my biggest contribution today, I had better go work on my Calculus, so I bid you all a fond farewell, and love to all! Shalom