One smile away from death

I don't want to seem negative or degrading to anyone or what anyone else believes or has said, but by nature I'm a rather cynical and sarcastic person, and so if you think that you'll get offended, please don't continue reading this post. I need to get some things off of my chest, and this is the easiest way to do so. This is just going to be the random thoughts that have been floating around lately.

I wish people could understand that nothing is permanent. People always talk about how they never would have made it if it weren't for their friends and how they're so much a help in their lives, blah blah blah. I mean, that's very true. I'm very grateful for the people in my life, and they've taught me a lot, but I'm going to leave them. Or they're going to leave. In my life experience, you can't rely on the people to always be there for you. I just can't stand it when people talk about how their friends saved their life and how they couldn't live without them. The one time that I struggled with that the most was because of friends. I felt like no one really cared and that I didn't have any friends who could help me. I had a best friend, sure. But it was true. There was no one. So I turned to the one person who is always there, who will always be there, who will never let you down. Christ lifted me that day, when I came so close to giving up and throwing it all away. And that's where I discovered permanence. In the love of Jesus Christ. His arms are always open, and He is always willing to wrap His arms around us to comfort us in our darkest hours. I know that without the knowledge of His love, I would not have made it, so long ago when I left all that I knew. And I know how terrible it would be if I lost those people that I love the most, but with what I have, I think I could make it. I know that the Lord sometimes sends us people to help with our trials, and sometimes He doesn't. Sometimes (like when I moved here, and had only my family), we are alone. That's it. We don't have anyone, except our family, who sometimes aren't the best help. And yet, they truly are the only ones who know what we're going through. And soon they won't be there either. I'm going off to college, and I will be alone. I will not know anyone (except for a select few, who I probably won't see) and I won't have anyone to turn to. What do I do then if I have learned to rely so much on others? I would probably go crazy. That's why we have to learn to be independent. We don't have to completely separate ourselves from others, that's not what I'm saying. The people in our lives can be a huge help, but you can't completely rely on them to provide for your happiness. It's hard enough going through your own life without trying to completely support others as well. That's why I get so annoyed with the people who bear their testimony of their friends. I'm not perfect, of course. I'm very far off. But if your testimony and view of life isn't centered and focused on Christ, you're going to have major problems, even more so than the ones you signed up for before this life. Christ can help you through anything. He knows the true meaning of being alone. He didn't even have His family during His most terrible sufferings. He had nothing. He knows the true meaning of sorrow and pain. As in Alma, the first two things that Christ suffered for were not our sins, but our pains and our afflictions. He knows. And I know that He knows. I have laid in bed and cried and cried and talked to the Savior, thanking Him for His grace, and for suffering so that He could comfort me. He knows. I have imagined feeling the prints in His hands and feet, and looking into those eyes that have seen so much pain, so much sorrow. I have literally felt His arms around me in the cold isolation of night, when you're sitting in bed with your arms clasped around your knees, rocking back and forth. I know of the tears of pain that turn to tears of joy when you realize how much your Heavenly Father loves you. It's taken me quite a while to get to the point where I can think of my Father in Heaven as much as I do. I'm still trying, I still have trouble with it. But it's so much better than it was before. And to know that you are a child of God puts so much into perspective. Sometimes I just lay in bed and talk, talk to Him. He understands, and even though He knows it all anyway, I think that He appreciates me telling him nonetheless.

I guess the tone rather changed in this. There is hope. The Lord will always be there for you and me, and though your entire world crumbles around you, there is always the Savior to reach out and place His hand on your shoulder, to brush the tears off your face, to fill you with such love and peace that every inch of your body is filled with joy, till you could spread wings and fly. Lift your head, and see what Father and Brother is waiting for you, waiting for you to simply look up.


Please. Look up.