Monday, July 25, 2011

Why I Don't Like to Exercise

This is me when I'm exercising.


I don't like going to the gym, because at the gym I get all sweaty and self-conscious and feel judged that I can't even handle 40lb on any of the weight machines. So instead I choose to just walk around outside while wearing sneakers and running shorts. Sometimes I walk briskly. For much of the time I think about running but realize that while it is pretty outside, it's hard to appreciate the scenery when you're dying inside. But sometimes I do choose to jog for a bit, which always ends up being an unfortunate choice.

I think, "I'm going to start jogging when I reach that sign and keep jogging until I reach that other sign." I reach the sign, take a deep breath, and start jogging. After about 10 seconds, I'm like, "Yay! This is great! I could jog forever!!!" After about 20 seconds, my knees start going "Arrrgh! No! What? Why? Pressure!" And then my heart is like, "Dude, I was already going at a pretty good rate there, and now you want me to accelerate? Do you want to collapse on the side of the road?" And my lungs are just all, "....hhhrrreeegh.....hhhhrrrooooouuuuuu..." Plus, my legs are itchy. But I keep jogging until I reach the other sign because that's the goal I set for myself, and when I do I try and recuperate and convince my organs it was all for the best. I do this three to four times on my walk, even though it takes me a good five minutes to catch my breath. And while I'm gulping in air like a dying fish (because you can never get enough oxygen through your nostrils), bugs fly into my mouth.

And that's why I don't like to exercise.

P.S. This blog was inspired by the humour of Allie from Hyperbole and a Half and I wish we were friends so she could illustrate my story (especially my lungs).

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I used to do the same thing, but now, I just walk briskly and enjoy the scenery. Except for if I'm on the way home and REALLY have to go to the bathroom, and then I usually jog. Or even run.

You have such nice hills there in Ashland, so I don't see anything wrong with walking ... keep it up!

Love you lots!

Mom
XOXOXOXOXO

word verification - thorgich: The itch you get in your thorg when you've been jogging too much.

Liz said...

Yes.

You are one of my favorites.

A said...

I feel your pain. Walking for a certain amount of time each day though is still good for you. Too bad I don't even do that anymore... I once swam regularly for a summer. But it's really hard to get started because when I start after not doing it for a long time, I'm lucky of I can swim for 15 minutes, and I have to pay 2 bucks for that 15 minutes and then go home and sleep for an hour due to exhaustion. I'm a weakling.

I think this cat feels your pain too:
http://youtu.be/kVoKSjLt8bc

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Into the Maze of a Mind by Rebekah Whittaker is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.