"I would love to go somewhere else and pick peachy fruits in the early morning from the back of an elefunt." ~The BFG

I've been much more contemplative lately. Sure, I've also had some wildly fun times, like jumping off the stage and lying in the middle of the hallway, but it seems like I have to put my life into perspective. I don't like to think about it, and it's kind of hard to, but I'm leaving very very soon. And it seems weird, because school hasn't lightened up, I haven't even begun to pack yet, but then sometimes I look over at my friends and just smile because I remember something that we did together. And it's sad that I'm leaving soon and probably won't see them for quite some time. I don't want to be all sentimental about it, or make a list, because for some reason, they really bother me, but I just want to say that even though I've had some crappy times, so far I've led a pretty good life. I think Jill said it best. Go read her blog.

I can't tell you how much it hurts to see the ones you love suffer. I remember in Medford, I had a friend named Brandon Manley, who I speak of with much fondness. He was an amazing person, highly intelligent, very talented, extremely funny and caring. But he had such problems with drugs and that sort of thing, that it hurt to know what he was doing when he wasn't at rehearsal or hanging out with you. You wished that he could just be with you all the time so that he knew that someone loved him and that he didn't need to be doing those sort of things. And what hurts the most was that it got worse after I moved. I'm not saying that I could have kept him from doing drugs or helped him become a better person, but I wish I had more time to tell him how much I cared for him, and how much I loved him for who he was. I do wish that I'll get to see him again someday, and tell him. Sometimes I think about all the wonderful times I've had and wish that I could have told the people I left behind how much I appreciated them and all that they did for me. It's something I'm trying to work on. I don't think you can ever tell someone that you love them too much. It just isn't possible. And as I go throughout my life, I think about how much more I could be doing for others, how much of a better example I could be, how much more Christ-like I could be every day. And I hope it's something I'm improving on, because goodness knows I'm working on it. Who knows. Maybe I should ask him.

Anyway, I went to my Dad's office and stayed there for a long time, waiting for a ride home and getting sheet music for Cabaret. He watched Big Fish with me tonight, something we've been wanting to do for a really long time. It was nice, the whole family joined in, minus Melissa.

I just want to say that though I've been going through some hard times lately, I really am grateful for the people in my life. Melissa was around for me this weekend when I was having a really tough time, and Monday morning wasn't much better. But seeing Mollie playing catch with herself and a tennis ball made me laugh and made me so much happier. Did I ever tell her that? I hope so. It's things like that that make me realize how lucky I am to have known these people and to have had them helped shape my character. So thank you all for being the best people I know. Let's make the last weeks I'm here the craziest and most fun a group of people could possibly have. Love to all. Shalom