"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." ~Mark Twain

That statement, which I didn't really think about till just now, is very true. When I'm sad or depressed, I just want to be alone, and figure it all out by myself. I prefer to let my grief play itself out by crying alone or singing to Coheed and doodling or something like that. But joy. Joy you have to share with someone. When something happens that brings you such happiness, you have to tell someone. You just can't keep it to yourself. And if you share it with someone, that's even better, because you can talk about it for a long time afterwards.

I know I just blogged last night, but I'm just such a mix of emotions right now though. This picture (found under the title of So Many Emotions, So Little Time) fascinates me, and seems to entail what I'm feeling. So separate. And it has a bit of an Abaratian quality about it, which I really do like. There's just so much going on right now that I can't quite figure out, though I've spent quite a bit of time trying. I think I understand a little better, but what needs to happen now is the real question. I just don't know. We'll see, I guess.

I was just thinking about friendship and how lucky I am to know the people that associate with me. The bare fact that they hang out with me is incredible. They are all so wonderful, so loving, so fun, so forgiving. I've been quite a pest in the past, and still am occasionally (though I'm trying to be better) and they still like me. What great people. For instance, I had an amazing time yesterday. And I was just thinking about how Jill and I went through that time that we didn't really like each other and so really didn't hang out at all. But look at us now. After we swallowed our pride and admitted to each other that we were being stupid and that we missed each other (ok, ok, that's what I said), we're so much closer now because of it. I think about the times we've had together and I can't help but smile. There are so many memories there that we've shared, so many good times. So many deep conversations after snarfing chocolate and singing at the top of our lungs. I've had some of the best times of my life with Jill. And though I'm not going to go into them all, I can say the same about all my friends. There are so many memories that I am going to treasure when I leave. We have to have a mad time the week after graduation, because then I leave and the likelihood of my coming back soon is very slim. And that makes me sad, but not really. I mean, I was telling Jill yesterday, that I miss some of the old times that we had together, all the things we did. But then again, if I dwell too much on what we did then, then I wouldn't be paying attention to what I was doing now. And I was having an awesome time. So it's kind of the same thing. I'm going to miss everyone terribly, and I have tons of great memories and experiences to take with me. But I'm so excited to go out and start over, start over in a new town where no one knows me and I can rely on myself to meet people and just be myself. It's going to be crazy, but crazy cool. So as you can probably see, I am a mix of emotions and conflicting feelings. And some of them aren't going to be resolved anytime soon. But that's ok. As long as there is the sun in the sky (occasionally) and ice cream in the stores, I'm good. And I'm glad. I love you all, I hope you know. You're all amazing. Love to all. Shalom. Really.

"True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." ~George Washington