Heartbreak, incarnate, I'm nothing if not your memories
Heartbreak, please let me be your joy and your pain
Someday I will be...
I'll be those common words spoken uniquely
Because I may, will forever be floating as you feel.
Where all remaining failed.

Please let me haunt as scent on your pillow
Letters of past are tear stained and wrinkled
Please let me haunt as scent on your pillow
Letters of past are tear stained and wrinkled

(Just say) Say you will for me (for me)
Invite me to your memory
(Just sing) Sing again for me (for me)
That long forgotten song

"Synesthesia"~AFI

My life is a roller coaster. I wouldn't mind so much if I didn't get queasy. I don't mind change or anything like that, and I don't really mind the bad times. But sometimes it just happens too fast. Life was wonderful, things were moving along nicely, not too fast, not too slow. I was beginning to find myself again. Now I'm hurtling down a slope with no way to brake. Is it anybody's fault? Probably not. Maybe I just don't want to accept the mistakes I've made and it's causing me to slip. But I thought I was doing ok. I thought we had worked everything out. But once again, I can't be happy. There's too much at stake. Too many others depending on me. Too many people pulling from different sides. Where do I go? I lose myself in music, in the words of others, in the haunting melodies. But is it enough? Can I bring myself to step back from open arms when that's all I really want? Can I allow myself to give up something that I've come to look forward to? Whose happiness is really important here? Must I totally forget myself and give my all to others? Will that really make me happy? They say happiness comes from losing yourself in the service of others. But you mustn't kill yourself, even if it's only your heart that's breaking. I can't go on like this. I find strength in the Lord, and in music, and in the friendships that have formed recently, but now I'm losing it. It's all becoming grey. To keep from hurting others, I have to step back. I have to leave it all to them.

What do I do? My heart is being torn apart. There's so much to care for, but so much responsibility. I don't shy away from responsibility, but I can't choose. But I'm being forced to. So what do I choose?

what once did exist, now is meaningless
and doesn't it seem funny, how soon you did forget
all the words have now lost their weight
but i remember, i remember

desperation, devastation
all i truly know
is isolation
self damnation
all life that i'd own
was shed and worthless now

what i knew was wrong
one who lived is gone
guess it was just an echo
when you would sing my song
all the notes you'd forgotten now
you left abandoned, i remember

desperation, devastation
all i truly know
is isolation
self damnation
all life that i'd own
was shed and worthless now

i can
hate myself
more...
more than anyone

will you join me?

i know that you know that this tortures me!
have i created the suffering?
show me!

or do you happily cut, further in?
to sever what's left inside, that binds me

now all i feel is

desperation, devastation
all i truly know
is isolation
self damnation
all life that i'd own
was shed and worthless now

desperation, devastation
all i truly know
is isolation
self damnation
all life that i'd own
was shed and worthless, worthless now

"Rabbits Are Roadkill on Route 37"~AFI