Sky Diving From the Ground Up

When you go into a dark field in the middle of the night, and lie down and turn your face to the sky, you feel like you're sky diving from the ground up. Your soul leaps from your body and goes soaring into the stars, and all you can do is feel it glide from star to star as your eyes go searching for meteors. It's strange how lying alone staring up at the night sky can make you feel so tiny and yet so immense. You feel small and insignificant, for how can you compare to the millions of stars and galaxies spinning above you? And yet, if you look straight above you, you can see the whole sky in your vision and you feel you could lift your arms and encompass it all. You can't focus on anything, because you are constantly searching for something to hold on to and there is too much to see. Thoughts skip through your mind so quickly you can't grasp even one, so you give up trying and just allow them to wander quietly through your head and then up into the cosmos. The only thing, lying there alone watching lights streak across the sky, is that it gets lonely after a while. You wish you had someone special to hold your hand and keep you warm. Some things are fine alone, but they are better to share.

Reflections on Proposition 8

Disclaimer: I know this issue may be a sensitive one for some people, but I feel moved to express my opinion on the matter. I have no wish to offend or persuade; I only wish to share my thoughts and feelings. And since I believe you all have your own opinions based on personal experiences and since you are entitled to express those opinions, thoughtful comments will be accepted and appreciated.

As of August 4, 2010, the California Supreme Court ruled Proposition 8 unconstitutional, and will soon enter into further conversations about equal rights for gay couples. And I have to say I am pleased. I'm an advocate for all human rights, and I believe any two consenting adults should be given the opportunity to get married. It's interesting to remember the US Supreme Court didn't end miscegenation laws until 1967, and still some states denied legal unions between blacks and whites. This prejudice was bred out of hate and ignorance, and the same issues are arising with regard to gay marriage. I honestly don't understand how allowing same-sex marriages changes anything for anyone else. Some want to promote the sanctity of marriage by preserving it for only heterosexual couples. And yet Las Vegas, Nevada has the second most weddings in the world, where most marriages are probably based on intoxication and lust and consequently don't last very long. And that promotes the sanctity of marriage? How does that make any sense?

Many people suggest civil unions and domestic partnerships as solutions to the gay marriage question. But a little research shows that these two solutions offer only a fraction of the state rights that married couples receive, and none of the federal rights. And to me, it's about more than just rights. I believe in human equality. I believe everyone should be given the same rights regardless of their race, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation (rights can be lost based on action, but that's a different issue). We are singling out a group of people and persecuting them because of who they love. And that's not right.

I have heard people talk about how marriage (heterosexual marriage) doesn't seem to be important anymore. People are getting married later in life, divorce rates are up, and overall marriage has fallen on many people's priority lists. And yet there is an entire population of people fighting for the right to have their desire to commit be recognized and are being denied. That just doesn't make sense to me. For a community that has suffered from innumerable negative stereotypes regarding fidelity and sex, the fact that that community is fighting for commitment and loyalty should be recognized and celebrated.

While California's Supreme Court ruling is a step in (I believe) the right direction, there is still a ways to go. It's probably going to be a long and arduous journey, but I believe it will end with equal rights prevailing. That we would, in the future, continue to deny any rights to anyone based on sexual orientation is disheartening and unfortunate.

That said, I also think "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is ridiculous.

Changes

I took a peek at Liz's blog this afternoon and found that she has made some changes. Thinking I would try it out, I too made some changes. However, this is probably about as much as I'm going to do. I don't care enough to change any little details or add more links or anything like that. So this is it.

I should probably write more often. The trouble is, much of what I want to write about is deeply personal and probably not very interesting to others. I have been thinking about writing posts as I finish books. That's a good idea. Maybe I'll start doing that.

Doing nothing sure exhausts the brain.

One Day Without Shoes

One day I was exploring TOMS.com (an organization that gives one pair of shoes to a child in need for every pair someone purchases), looking at and admiring the shoes for sale, when I noticed a link to an event called One Day Without Shoes. Intrigued by the idea of going through a whole day without wearing shoes, I responded and pledged my support by promising to go shoeless today, April 8th. I often think about people without food or clean water, but I never think about people who have to go without shoes. Although the day is not over (I am still shoeless), I was thinking over my experience and what I learned from it.

First of all, I had no idea it was going to snow today. About two minutes after I left my house, pant legs rolled up and tender feet stinging, it began to rain. Then hail. Then snow. I came very close to giving up, turning around, and getting some shoes when I realized the point is to be uncomfortable. I managed to make it to the library and regain feeling in my toes (don't worry, I still have ten) before I headed out again to go to class. The rest of the day was spent in the Theatre building, so I didn't have to venture outside again until after class, during which the sky decided to clear up and the Sun had dried the pavement. Not many people asked about my bare feet, though I did get chastised by my Costume Fundamentals teacher for not wearing footwear in the shop. The dangers of fallen pins and needles appropriately worried her. Although I assured her it would not happen again, I thought to myself that again, the point is to have to worry about the danger. And I wasn't even walking through the hot desert or the treacherous jungle. I was walking on pavement. Every day I go throughout my life, heedless to the sharp stones, icy ground, and fallen needles because I'm wearing shoes. I don't have to think twice about it. But there are people all over the world who don't have shoes. There are children who can't go to school because they are not allowed to attend barefoot. There are people who suffer from disfiguring diseases that could have been completely prevented by wearing shoes. There are so many luxuries I enjoy simply because I have shoes.

I take far too much for granted. I worry about money, but I have everything I need. I have enough money for food, rent, clothing, and shoes. I have the academic standing and assistance to go to a great university. If I am desperately in need, I have a family to help. I have good books to read, a novel to write, and warm socks to keep my toes from falling off (which I'm not wearing now; I think that's cheating, but I do still have my toes). I have a wonderful family to love. I have incredible friends to help me through the hard times and laugh with me through the fun times. I have a cool watch. I have so much, and I realized it because I didn't wear shoes for one day.

I know in some places it's not possible to go a day without shoes (your toes really would fall off). I know your job might not allow it. I know there are limits. But it's the experience that counts. Because I went a day without shoes, I know what it's like to worry about how cold the ground is. I know what it's like to be scolded because I didn't have shoes. I walked more slowly because I had to test the ground for sharp rocks. My feet are still tender from the rough ground. But now I have a greater sense of compassion. I know food and water are not the only necessities. I know I have been blessed with great wealth and abundance. I know what it's like to have to step gingerly. I have so much, and there is so much I can give. I realized the potential I have for change. All because I walked for one day without shoes.

A Seasons for the Poem of Change

The snows are mountainous
A chillness of brisk
Has aired the enter
And breathes it hard to make

It's the seasons of change
Hot chocolate for time
And quilting in snuggles
While booking a read

Hats, gloves, and scarves for time
Bundles in layers, clothing up tight
Hoods eying out from under peers
Peeks red from scarves above noses out

The best year of time is this
A pajama chance to never change out
An inside excuse to watch and stay
Movies to listen and music all day

It's the seasons of change
Thanks of a giving
Peopling the love you tell
It's timeful alive to be a wonder

Musings

I am sitting in the office, wearing a long sleeve shirt and sweat pants, and drinking hot chocolate. It's 73 degrees. How pathetic. It is overcast, for the record.

So for the past month or so, we have been driving around and passing this huge tent set up the Casa Presidencial parking lot, and wondering what that was all about. And in the mall they have a big booth set up for Tihany Spectacular, and I vaguely wondered what that was all about as well. Finally I found out that the big tent was a circus, and that the sparkly booth in the mall was where you could buy tickets. Well, hearing about it from a few different people, I finally decided that I would go for two reasons. One, because I thought that it would be really fun (since what else is there to do in Teguc?) and two, because now I get to say that I say a circus in Honduras.

So we went to the circus on Wednesday. And I must say that Tihany Spectacular really lived up to its name. There was a lot of Vegas-y style dancing, with scantily clad women, most of whom didn't dance very well, but the rest was incredible. There was a lot of really really amazing acrobatics and a really funny clown that could play almost any brass instrument that exists. I should probably mention that this took place on a stage, with seats about 3/4 of the way around it, instead of in the round. There was a magician who wasn't that great, especially because he had a beautiful white tiger that looked terribly unhappy. But there were these two Mongolian guys who did these amazing acrobatics, and a small group of guys who did jumps and threw each other around and stuff. And this gymnast who was my favourite, where it was just her and a rope and her beautiful long straight blonde hair, and she climbed and fell and swung and it was amazing. I felt like a kid again, which may be in part because I ate about 80% of a gigantic stick of cotton candy. But it was wonderful, and if I had more money I would consider going again before it leaves town. I'll just have to wait for Cirque Du Soleil, I guess.

Drastic change of subject...

I was thinking the other day about how I don't know if we can ever really know anyone. I mean, everyone has secrets. In the language of Dr. House, everybody lies. No matter how well you think you know someone, there is always something that they will hide. Maybe I'm just being cynical. Maybe because I have so many secrets, I just assume that everyone else does as well. I'm pretending, so I think everyone else is. I don't know.

I wish there was more to say. My journal is filled with pages and pages of the same things. I have the same worries and the same thoughts. I am excited to go back to the States. To go back home. Where something will happen to me that I can write about. Where I can make friends and tell funny stories about work. I am most excited to see Liz and Jenny and Nelli and go to Vegas with Jillian and be with the people I love most.

Maybe someday I'll stop pretending. Maybe someday I will have no secrets. Maybe someday I'll stop worrying.

Today, however...

Selfish

I wrote a poem that is not to be shared
For in the sharing I would be sharing
something that I cannot share
Someday I will share what I now cannot share
But for now I will be selfish
And so I will share what I can share
And in the sharing feel that I am sharing
The secrets that one day I will share
But for now I will be selfish